So Many Losses
It’s past midnight as I write this. It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. All around me is quiet and stillness; yet I sit here with my mind silently screaming and my heart softly breaking. My soul is ravaged and tired from all that I have heard, seen, and experienced in the last year. While 2021 is more than half over and we’ve been released from the confines of home and masks for months now, the festering wounds from the year of living in pandemic times have only begun to show.
I had expected more excitement and joy as we return to our regularly scheduled lives, which had been so rudely interrupted by the pandemic. Instead, I find myself desiring to do very little and easily becoming overwhelmed with sadness and despair. Time marches on, and we can and will pick ourselves up and live fully again. But there has been too much death and loss that still needs to be identified, processed, and mourned.
My uncle caught COVID from his physical therapist while he was rehabilitating from a surgery, and he passed away.
My cousin’s wife passed away after contracting the virus from one of her children who had gotten infected at work.
Several acquaintances, in the prime of their lives, succumbed to COVID.
Unfortunately, I am not alone. As the numbers reveal, too many of us have lost loved ones to COVID. The World Health Organization reports 4.1 million COVID-related deaths worldwide so far. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report more than 608,000 in the United States. These are not just numbers. They are people, individuals who were grandparents, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, spouses and partners, relatives, friends, and colleagues.
The loss of lives, jobs, and money can be enumerated and then mourned. Other losses are not as easy to identify and can go unacknowledged and unattended:
Missing out on rites of passage such as prom, graduating with friends, your dream wedding, being there for the birth of a grandchild
Not being able to attend the funeral of family and friends
Losing space, privacy, and independence due to shelter in place
Having poor job prospects
Experiencing deterioration of connections and friendships due to isolation
Missing opportunities in academics, sports, career
Severing friendships due to COVID-related beliefs and differences
These are just a few of the things that we experienced in the dark shadows of COVID. Few of us have come out of 2020 untouched by grief and loss. Many of us find ourselves awake long into the night trying not to think of the past, hating the present, and fighting off bleak thoughts of the future. You are not alone in this. I am not alone in this. After the year we’ve had, it’s OK to not be OK.
The expression of grief and the mourning of loss look different from person to person. The important thing is that the grief gets expressed and the loss gets mourned. Writing in my journal, crying, and praying are helpful for me. What about for you?
Perhaps the sadness and despair are overwhelming you now. Perhaps you find yourself not wanting to do anything anymore. I hope that my sharing with you my own grief and loss and my naming my current state of mind and heart will allow and encourage you to do the same. Acknowledge the losses; attend to the sadness and pain. Talk to someone about them. Find a therapist to help you through this. If you need immediate help:
• Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling.
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
